Slugs and snails
That may be the case but I’M STARVING I’ve had worse than you for my lunch I’ll chew on your leg like a drumstick your bones will be something to crunch But think of the taste… …I’m disgusting! The flavour of snails, slugs and snot will mingle with freshly picked earwax and ruin your best cooking pot Your concern for my diet is touching but witches don’t care what they eat I once slayed a manky old giant and made bunion soup from his feet But what about girl’s… …girls like Gretel? They’re made of sugar and spice You really should eat her, she’s sweeter and wholesome, and filling and nice Thanks for the tip-off young Hansel, a two-for-one meal deal won’t hurt. I’ll gobble you up for my main course… …your sister can be the dessert. |
The House That Dad Built
Door frames – wonky Roof tiles – shonky It’s fair to say successes have been few Floorboards – squeaky Drainpipes – leaky It doesn’t have the most inspiring view The taps are topsy-turvy The straight lines have gone all curvy It won’t win a prize for minimal design The garden’s got no flowers but this little house of ours is safe and warm and suits us all just fine So the cupboards don’t quite shut and yes, some corners have been cut But our old man he made it on his own And you know there’s no denyin’ that he’ll D.I.Y. just tryin’ to build us all a happy, humble home. |
My Mum, The Pirate
Pssst! My Mum… …is a pirate Which sounds like it should be 'such fun'. But it’s not half as good as you’re thinking. In fact it’s a pain in the bum. At Christmas she gave me a parrot (I’d clearly requested a dog) And instead of roast turkey with stuffing we had maggoty biscuits and grog. She says I’m too young for a sailboat, or a cutlass or anything cool. I’ve given up hope of an eye-patch’til the optician visits our school. And as for the treasure and trinkets? …plundering isn’t that great. Mr Hussain down the sweet shop won’t accept pieces of eight. I wish she was boring and normal. That would be better by far. ’Cos I’m tired of the scurvy and rickets and her constantly going ‘Ar-arrrgh!’ So yes my mum is a pirate And no it isn’t much fun. There’s no point in being a pirate if your ‘crew’ is also your son. |