Retired Pirate at Rest, by Laura Louise Stewart

My whole life we'd kept a wild secret
Our very own fam'ly black sheep
See Dad's Dad was Cap'n Jack Scurvy
Marauder of oceans so deep

When Grandpa moved into our spare room
Imagine the poor neighbours shock
But scoundrels get older too, says Jack
An' weigh down their anchors at dock

Illustration © 2016 Jonny Duddle

When it's time to hang up yer cutlass, lad
Aye n' pack up yer treasure chest
When ye can't climb rigging nor walk the plank
A retired pirate must rest

Our upstairs smells of coconut rum
And in bed Jack straps himself down
As if still on the Merry Queen Anne
with waves still a-tossing him round

Old Polly's tucked up in a tea chest
She no longer takes to the sky
But over Jack's bed hang's a black flag
The Skull and the Crossbones still fly

He talks of his life of great peril
Adventures and all the gold spent
Shiver me timbers, he roars if waked
A land-lubber now, but no gent

His treasure maps stay by his bedside
As he dreams of paradise beach
But surely no ship's been as well rigged
He's got all he wants within reach
​
When it's time to hang up yer cutlass, lad
Aye n' pack up yer treasure chest
When ye can't climb rigging nor walk the plank
A retired pirate must rest

Illustration © 2016 Jonny Duddle

​Funny Poem ©2016  ​Laura Louise Stewart
​Illustration © 2016 Jonny Duddle