Funny poem © 2018 Julie Anna Douglas
Illustration © 2018 Eric Heyman

We are The Cat Choir all ready for hire.

Funny Poem ©2018 Julie Anna Douglas
Illustration ©2018 Laurence Anholt 
Anholt's Artists  Frances Lincoln Ltd

Take a hold of your eye-stalks, it's true! We are also welcoming the fabulous JULIE ANNA DOUGLAS to The Funeverse!

Julie is a poet-in-residence at Gibshill Children's Centre AND she writes regularly for Amazing Kid's Magazine. She's also published by The Emma Press and in the deliciously hungry pages of The Caterpillar. We are super lucky to have her working 23 and a half hours a day writing poetry for The Funeverse!

Just take a look at these poems by Julie...

Job Description for The Big, Bad Wolf

Wanted; A Wolf;
Must be both bad and big,
with a fondness for fear
and a penchant for pig.
Ideal candidate
will be rough and tough,
with strong, healthy lungs
and plently of puff.
Fur, eyes and teeth
in tip-top condition?
Excellent skills
in house demolition?
Quoting reference:
'Chinny-Chin-Chin,'
just slide down the chimney
and apply within!

​The Auntie Eater

The Auntie Eater is an humungous,
hideous, hungry beast
who is always on the look out
for an Auntie-flavoured feast.
He spends his days slobbering,
sneaking, sculking and stalking
but couldn't keep up with Aunt Elsie
when she was power walking.
He crept up on Auntie Mary
who whacked him with her brolley.
Aunt Anne escaped just in time
when he took a bite from her trolley.
He frightened Auntie Aggie
as she tried to sit and knit.
Aunt Grace is too scared to go out
(but she won't admit it.)
The marauding monster's mayhem,
shows no sign of stopping.
He even popped onto Aunt May's lap-top
when she was online shopping!
But what this creature doesn't realise;
this cowardly carbuncle,
is that behind every annoyed Auntie
there's a monster-slaying Uncle!

Dragon for Hire!

Dragon for hire.
Comes with free fire.
Perfect for barbecues.

Skilled in smelting
and marshmallow melting.
What have you got to lose?

Expert home heater
and burglar eater.
No job too big or too small.

Clears snow with ease.
Makes perfect grilled cheese.
Go on- just give me a call.

Findlay Sharkleston III

Findlay Sharleston III
Ocean Villain Extraordinaire
may be deadly and terrifying
but he's also dashing and debonair.

Although the mere mention of his name
creates chaos in Deep Blue Bay,
he always bows politely to passers by,
and tips his hat to wish them, 'Good Day.'

When he lures his fresh ingredients
to his lair to make Seafood Stew,
he is awfully courteous and polite,
greeting them with a, 'How do you do?'

Even when searching for a midnight snack
in Langoustine Lagoon,
his dazzling smile and beautiful manners
make the Lobster Ladies swoon.