| My monster and me have climbed up a tree The one on the hill overlooking the sea. Thought I'd send you a selfie so then you could see That he's perfectly real, not imaginary. |  |
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Poem ©2015 Em Lynas |
| It's dinner time, it's dinner time! And on a human I must dine. My empty tummy I must fill, So I have found a boy to kill, But boys are tricksy, boys are quick, Boys can give a nasty kick. |  |
| So you wore purple, I wore pink, Should we care what others think? Should we care if people stare, Or if they tease and pull our hair? |  |
Dear Miss, I have not handed in my homework this week. Why? It's complicated ... by Lesley Moss
12/7/2015
| No good at mathematics, I can’t compose a sonnet, When I create a tasty plate I find big burnt bits on it. |  |
| Have you seen this creature? He might be after you He's fast and fierce and on the loose He's pretty hungry too. |  |
“Go on, eat up all your people."
"But I really don't feel well.
Maybe I could skip my dinner?"
"You're just faking. I can tell."
"But I HATE people for dinner!
Can't I just have beans on toast?"
"You need to eat good monster food.
Shall I do them as a roast?"
"Look how your sister cleaned her plate.
She’s only left one shoe.
Just a spoon for Mummy now.
Let's just start with one or two..."
"Open your mouth!" "Nmmm, mmm, mmm, mmm,"
"Don't you shake your head at me!"
“Ah mum, people make me queasy.
Maybe I should set them free?"
"I am done. I'm through with talking.
Eat your dinner in one bite!"
"But Mum, I just can't swallow people!"
"Why?" "It's gross and it's not right!"
"Oh, I GIVE up little monster!
Off to bed or you'll be late.
Dump the people out the back door,
But at least PLEASE eat your plate!"
Poem © 2014 Mo O'Hara
Illustration © Loretta Schauer
"But I really don't feel well.
Maybe I could skip my dinner?"
"You're just faking. I can tell."
"But I HATE people for dinner!
Can't I just have beans on toast?"
"You need to eat good monster food.
Shall I do them as a roast?"
"Look how your sister cleaned her plate.
She’s only left one shoe.
Just a spoon for Mummy now.
Let's just start with one or two..."
"Open your mouth!" "Nmmm, mmm, mmm, mmm,"
"Don't you shake your head at me!"
“Ah mum, people make me queasy.
Maybe I should set them free?"
"I am done. I'm through with talking.
Eat your dinner in one bite!"
"But Mum, I just can't swallow people!"
"Why?" "It's gross and it's not right!"
"Oh, I GIVE up little monster!
Off to bed or you'll be late.
Dump the people out the back door,
But at least PLEASE eat your plate!"
Poem © 2014 Mo O'Hara
Illustration © Loretta Schauer
MONSTER STEW
Mother Monster made a stew
with all your favourite things,
some earwax balls and eyeball goo,
and slimy, bogey strings.
She stirred in mould and toenail rot,
then served with maggot rolls.
You licked your lips and scoffed the lot,
but why’d you eat her bowls?!
Poem © 2014 Rebecca Colby
Illustration © Loretta Schauer
“Leave the prince speechless,” I heard you declare.
“Please make him notice my eyes and gold hair.
Give him a reason to gaze on my face.
Make me stand out from the rest in this place.”
Granting your wishes was no easy task.
And now you complain? How dare you, I ask!
Go on and moan that you look like monster.
But Cinderella, my dear, you get what you ask for!
Poem © 2014 Rebecca Colby
Illustration © 2013 Sally Kindberg
Ever seen a vampire bat that flashed a sharp-toothed smile?
Or some slimy water goblins ride a crocodile?
I have...
Perhaps you saw an ogre eating gravy-covered toes?
Or looked up at the sky and saw some glowing UFOs?
I did...
How about some phantom lions in a creepy zoo?
I can see these spooks and more, and guess what? You can too!
Here’s how...
Think of, let’s say, a haunted house, and with your mind explore it
Now all that scary stuff you see, just take a pen and draw it!
Or some slimy water goblins ride a crocodile?
I have...
Perhaps you saw an ogre eating gravy-covered toes?
Or looked up at the sky and saw some glowing UFOs?
I did...
How about some phantom lions in a creepy zoo?
I can see these spooks and more, and guess what? You can too!
Here’s how...
Think of, let’s say, a haunted house, and with your mind explore it
Now all that scary stuff you see, just take a pen and draw it!
In Nightmare Town there is a street,
They call it Dark, and in Dark Street
there is one house, a scary house,
and I have been inside it.
And upstairs there's a gloomy room,
a room of everlasting doom
and there's a cupboard in that room,
and I have stood beside it:
so sinister, so full of mean -
(Shh, they may hear us whispering)
- green monstrous creatures, cupboard trolls,
and I have peeped inside it.
And there the mouldy cupboard folks
dwell inbetween the hats and cloaks.
The monsters wait behind the door
and I have stepped inside it ...
The monsters made me Monster Queen
though I am clean and they are green,
Now in the cupboard I reside
and we all hide inside it.
In Nightmare Town there is a street
they call it Dark, and in Dark Street
there is one house, a scary house -
why don't YOU step inside it ...?
Poem © 2014 Lesley Moss
Illustration © 2014 Sally Kindberg
They call it Dark, and in Dark Street
there is one house, a scary house,
and I have been inside it.
And upstairs there's a gloomy room,
a room of everlasting doom
and there's a cupboard in that room,
and I have stood beside it:
so sinister, so full of mean -
(Shh, they may hear us whispering)
- green monstrous creatures, cupboard trolls,
and I have peeped inside it.
And there the mouldy cupboard folks
dwell inbetween the hats and cloaks.
The monsters wait behind the door
and I have stepped inside it ...
The monsters made me Monster Queen
though I am clean and they are green,
Now in the cupboard I reside
and we all hide inside it.
In Nightmare Town there is a street
they call it Dark, and in Dark Street
there is one house, a scary house -
why don't YOU step inside it ...?
Poem © 2014 Lesley Moss
Illustration © 2014 Sally Kindberg
Illustration: Sally Kindberg
| They said I'd made the cover, Of Sally Kindberg's, DRAW IT! I squelched around excitedly, until the day I saw it. |  |
Monster Bedtime Story Come, my scrumptious scampling, Let's snuggle down and read Of slimy slugs Of bristling bugs Of monstrous, dark-done deeds... No? Well, putrid pups are lovely or nauseating nits Or globby blobby goblins Nibbling on your tender bits... No? Then, maybe Wart-eyed Walter and his Wicked Weevling Ways Or Terrible Ted From under the Bed Who likes to come out to PLAY! No? Well, my precious pustule, tell me now, what shall we see? No warts? No fangs? No BOOS?! No BANGS?! Oh no - it cannot be! You want the silky-hairy story The pink and fluffy scary story Please... Not... The Hairy Scary Fairy Story Waaaaa! Oh bestest boy Oh beastly son Please hold me close I am the one Who needs you now to cuddle me tight Or else I'll get no sleep tonight! ©2013 Addy Farmer |
Thank you so much for being on the funEverse, Addy.
My mother’s reading Monster Tree
with Benjamin upon her knee,
and she is just ignoring me.
I sneak up, creep up, quietly,
And hide behind the blue settee,
But she is still ignoring me.
When I am sure that she won’t see,
I drop a worm into her tea.
Perhaps she’ll stop ignoring me.
As Mother shrieks, I start to flee.
I’ve never seen her this angry.
At last, she stopped ignoring me.
“That was naughty, Barnaby!
No food for you and no TV!”
Too bad she’s not ignoring me.
Poem ©2012 Rebecca Colby
Image ©2012 Kate Pankhurst
| My sharp claws and pointy fang will make your heart beat with a bang. Lurking in your room at night. Scaring you is my delight. |
Mirror, mirror in my hand
who’s the scariest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
Peek in your closet
you’ll know it’s me!
Three eyes in my monstrous head
help me watch you in your bed.
There’s really nothing you can do
I’m going to put you in my stew!
who’s the scariest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
Peek in your closet
you’ll know it’s me!
Three eyes in my monstrous head
help me watch you in your bed.
There’s really nothing you can do
I’m going to put you in my stew!
Mirror, mirror in my hand
who’s the hungriest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
When my tummy roars
you’ll know it’s me!
Shaggy fur the colour of slime,
full of fleas and bogey grime.
I’ve not showered in 10 weeks,
I prefer it when I reek.
who’s the hungriest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
When my tummy roars
you’ll know it’s me!
Shaggy fur the colour of slime,
full of fleas and bogey grime.
I’ve not showered in 10 weeks,
I prefer it when I reek.
Mirror, mirror in my hand
who’s the stinkiest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
Take a deep breath in (phew!)
you’ll know it’s me!
Wait! Why have you run away!
I was hoping we could play.
Now that you’re afraid of me,
I feel lonely as can be.
who’s the stinkiest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
Take a deep breath in (phew!)
you’ll know it’s me!
Wait! Why have you run away!
I was hoping we could play.
Now that you’re afraid of me,
I feel lonely as can be.
Mirror, mirror in my hand
who’s the saddest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
See the tears falling
you’ll know it’s me!
Even monsters need hugs too,
so I’ll tell you what to do.
Hold your nose and wear thick gloves,
open your arms, share some love.
who’s the saddest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
See the tears falling
you’ll know it’s me!
Even monsters need hugs too,
so I’ll tell you what to do.
Hold your nose and wear thick gloves,
open your arms, share some love.
Mirror, mirror in my hand
who’s the cuddliest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
Give me a hug
you’ll know it’s me
and you’ll make me happy as can be!
Poem ©2013 Meagan Munroe
Image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst
who’s the cuddliest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
Give me a hug
you’ll know it’s me
and you’ll make me happy as can be!
Poem ©2013 Meagan Munroe
Image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst
 | I know I'm a monster, but the trouble with me is I should scare folks socks off. I should make them flee. But I just make them smile, or much worse, they hug me! 'Cause I'm big eyed and fluffy and no one can see- There's a monster, a big scary monster, in me! My long claws and big teeth are always too clean. My goo baths and my stink sprays don't make me smell mean. I'm a failure at monstering- I'm not even green! 'Cause I'm big eyed and fluffy and no one can see- There's a monster, a big scary monster, in me. Wait, you think that my clean teeth and sharp claws are cool? And you think that my third eye's the best one in school? And it's wicked the way I can dribble green drool? But I'm big eyed and fluffy you surely can't see- There's a monster, a big scary monster, in me? You wish you were furry? You think my fur's sleek? And you want to be friends, you don't think I'm a freak? I'm not just any monster, you think I'm unique? Wow, I'm big eyed and fluffy But someone can see- There's a monster, a big scary, fierce, fluffy, fab, friendly monster in me! Poem ©2013 Mo O'Hara image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst |
One, two, three, four,
Five, six, seven… ROAR!
You try it now.
Don't be a drip.
I'll count you in,
Just let it rip.
Five, six, seven… ROAR!
You try it now.
Don't be a drip.
I'll count you in,
Just let it rip.
I'm a scary monster and I don't care!
I've got green teeth
and bristly hair.
I'm a scary monster and I don't care!
I've got three eyes
and my ears are square.
I'm a scary monster and I don't care
if my nasty smell
pollutes the air!
I'm a scary monster and I don't care!
Cos I'm really mean
and I don't play fair.
I'm a scary monster and I don't care!
I roar and growl
and I won't share.
I'm a scary monster and I don't care
if you won't be my friend -
yes, you - over there.
Wait - you're ... an even bigger, scarier monster?
Well
now
I
care!
Image ©2012 Kate Pankhurst
Poem © 2012 Lesley Moss
I've got green teeth
and bristly hair.
I'm a scary monster and I don't care!
I've got three eyes
and my ears are square.
I'm a scary monster and I don't care
if my nasty smell
pollutes the air!
I'm a scary monster and I don't care!
Cos I'm really mean
and I don't play fair.
I'm a scary monster and I don't care!
I roar and growl
and I won't share.
I'm a scary monster and I don't care
if you won't be my friend -
yes, you - over there.
Wait - you're ... an even bigger, scarier monster?
Well
now
I
care!
Image ©2012 Kate Pankhurst
Poem © 2012 Lesley Moss
The stars are shining in the sky
The moon is looking down
On top of monster mountain
You cannot hear a sound
So put aside your worries
Chase the beasties from your head
Even little monsters
Have to go to bed
Inside the rocky monster dens
Baths are being run
To wash away a busy day
Of mucky monster fun
Time to clean those monster teeth
Brush cobwebs off their heads
Even little monsters
Have to go to bed
Mummy's in her dressing gown
Trying not to doze
Daddy's got his slippers on
To hide his hairy toes
Tails tucked into PJs
Cosy nightcaps on their heads
Even little monsters
Have to go to bed
Outside the wind is howling
Not a single monster roars
They're snug inside the blanket caves
The darkness shut outdoors
Come listen to your bedtime tale
Let stories fill your head
Even little monsters
Have to go to bed
Poem ©2013 Laura Lou Stewart
Image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst
The moon is looking down
On top of monster mountain
You cannot hear a sound
So put aside your worries
Chase the beasties from your head
Even little monsters
Have to go to bed
Inside the rocky monster dens
Baths are being run
To wash away a busy day
Of mucky monster fun
Time to clean those monster teeth
Brush cobwebs off their heads
Even little monsters
Have to go to bed
Mummy's in her dressing gown
Trying not to doze
Daddy's got his slippers on
To hide his hairy toes
Tails tucked into PJs
Cosy nightcaps on their heads
Even little monsters
Have to go to bed
Outside the wind is howling
Not a single monster roars
They're snug inside the blanket caves
The darkness shut outdoors
Come listen to your bedtime tale
Let stories fill your head
Even little monsters
Have to go to bed
Poem ©2013 Laura Lou Stewart
Image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst
If you want to look your best,
Try some Monster Mum advice,
Take a daily bath in slime
And dust your fur with tiny lice.
Oh yes, that’s lovely, really nice,
And quite the thing, that touch of lice.
Add just a touch of make up
Crushed beetle to your cheek,
Dustbin dribble on your lashes
And a squirt of Eau De Reek.
Oh yes, that’s lovely, quite unique,
And just the thing, that whiff of Reek.
Now come and sit upon my knee,
Let’s have a monster hug,
You scruffy, stinky, lovely beast,
My gorgeous cuddle bug.
Poem ©2013 Kathryn Evans
Image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst
Try some Monster Mum advice,
Take a daily bath in slime
And dust your fur with tiny lice.
Oh yes, that’s lovely, really nice,
And quite the thing, that touch of lice.
Add just a touch of make up
Crushed beetle to your cheek,
Dustbin dribble on your lashes
And a squirt of Eau De Reek.
Oh yes, that’s lovely, quite unique,
And just the thing, that whiff of Reek.
Now come and sit upon my knee,
Let’s have a monster hug,
You scruffy, stinky, lovely beast,
My gorgeous cuddle bug.
Poem ©2013 Kathryn Evans
Image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst
| You're not a scary monster. Your fur is soft and shiny, And your claws are really tiny. I am. You're not a scary monster. Your eyes are round and pretty, You remind me of a kitty. I am. You're not a scary monster. Your smile is bright and gleaming, You will never see me screaming. I am! You're not a scary monster. Your teeth are white... And pointy... Gobble. I am. Poem ©2013 Katherine Lynas Image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst |  |
KIDS!
We would absolutely
LOVE IT
if you added your own funny poems in the comments.
Especially if you are
A CHILD
WITH A FUNNYBONE!
This month
we're being inspired by
CATS!
we're being inspired by
CATS!
Image © Katherine Lynas
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