The funeverse! A poetry site for kids who love funny poems.
  • funny verse
  • Get Involved
  • the poets
  • Contact

Snip Snip Chop by Katherine Lynas

19/3/2013

3 Comments

 
Welcome, take a seat, sit down,
There's no need to wear a frown.
Put this sheet around your neck.
My, you look an awful wreck!
Be still, don't squirm and move about.
Keep quiet please, no need to shout.
Your hair has gotten awfully long,
It's so spiky, thick and strong.
A speedy trim is what you need,
To stop you looking like a weed.
I'll snip off this bit by your ear.
Mmmm that looks a little queer.
I'll even out the other side,
Open my scissors nice and wide.
Chop chop chop, snip snip snip.
What's that quivering, is it your lip?
Now to cut around your head.
Whoops, I think you might have bled.
There's no need to make a fuss,
It's only blood, there is no pus.
There, I've finished, that is that.
Can I suggest you wear a hat?


Poem ©2013 Katherine Lynas
Illustration ©2013 Mike Brownlow
Picture
3 Comments

Robert's Suit by George Kirk

17/3/2013

4 Comments

 
Ding Dong!

Robert darling, come and see,
Grandma Ivy’s here for tea.
Her lips are pursed expectantly.

She won’t think I’m quite so cute
Now I’m in my special suit.


Ding Dong!

Come here Robbie, don’t be shy,
Great Aunt Aggie’s just popped by
To get her weekly hug supply.

She’ll soon forget her hug request
When she sees just how I’m dressed.

Ding Dong!

Now then Rob, don’t be remiss,
Come give your Granny Rose a kiss,
She’s waited six long weeks for this.

 
She might decide to wait some more
When I open up this door.

CREEEEEEAK

At last, here’s Robert. Where have you been?
And what are you doing in that machine?
Don’t get too close, you’ll make us scream!

Hello grannies, no need to huddle,
Come and get a ROBOT cuddle!

Poem ©2013 George Kirk
Picture
Poem ©2013 George Kirk 
Illustration ©2013 Mike Brownlow
4 Comments

When Redbeard Fell Over The Railing by Rebecca Colby

15/3/2013

2 Comments

 
Picture
Sung to the tune of 
(When Santa Got Stuck Up the Chimney'.)

When Redbeard fell over the railing,  
he thundered and he roared,
“You plundering fools,
won’t get any jewels, 
until I’m back on board.”

“Throw a rope down.
I’m starting to drown.
I’ll sink to the seabed below.”
When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho!

When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
He bellowed and he cried,
“You motley crew
know what to do.
Quick, haul me up the side!”

“I’m freezing cold.
I’ve dropped me gold.
A shark has bitten me toe.”
When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho!

When Redbeard fell over the railing,
He spluttered and he coughed,
“Forget your reward, 
You heartless horde,
You still ain’t pulled me aloft!”

“The jellyfish cling,
They burn and they sting,
Me death will be painful and slow.”
When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho!

When Redbeard fell over the railing,
He whispered and he sighed,
“Please hurry! Come on!
Or I’ll soon be gone. 
I’m drifting away on the tide.”

“I don’t like to beg,  
But an eel’s zapped me leg,
Grab me now or it’s under I go!”
When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho!

When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
He whimpered and he wailed.
Then—BLUB--disappeared,
All except for his beard,
While his crew moaned, 
“He’s done for! We’ve failed!"

“Wait! Lasso his chin!”
Though hair tore from his skin, 
He was saved from the undertow!
When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho!

Poem ©2013  Rebecca Colby
Illustration ©2013 Mike Brownlow
2 Comments

I am an Inventor by Mo O'Hara

13/3/2013

4 Comments

 
Picture
I am an inventor of buzzy wuz things:
Flog choppers, space swooshers and all things with wings.

There's something inside me that just loves to see,
Flip floating, swing swooping ships swirling round me.

I make wiberty jubbits and flittery flubes.
Lots of puffity tubbits and jittery shloos.

Sometimes buggity wugits with prickly stings
or a spinnery spugit that plops, pops and pings.

And I take them all outside at least once a day
And let them buzz round in the sky for a play.

Then when winders wind down and puffers loose steam,
I tuck them up so they can recharge and dream.

Poem ©2013  Mo O'Hara
Illustration ©2013 Mike Brownlow
4 Comments

You Have Been Warned! by Meagan Munroe

11/3/2013

4 Comments

 
Picture







Charles Cornelius Trumpington Pout
should never have eaten that leftover sprout.
It puffed up his belly with gases most foul,
churning and gurgling deep in his bowel.

Banished to bed with a rumbling tum,
he was kept awake by his grumbling bum.
His bulging gut could not be restrained.
The vapours within would not be contained.

You won't be seeing him anytime soon,
his bottom blasted him straight to the moon.
So here ends the tale of young Master Pout
who should never have eaten that leftover sprout.

Poem ©2013  Meagan Munroe
Illustration ©2013 Mike Brownlow

4 Comments

Captain Amilee And The Secret Deadly Weapon by Em Lynas

9/3/2013

8 Comments

 
A crew of stinky pirates
Sails the seven seas.
Red pimples on their noses,
Hard scabs upon their knees.
Picture

Read More
8 Comments

THE DAY MY MUM LEFT ME ALONE AT THE HAIRDRESSERS, by Lesley Moss

7/3/2013

13 Comments

 
(I will never, no, not ever, have another haircut for the rest of my life. So don't even ask.)
PictureImage © Mike Brownlow
My hair is too short,
I wanted it long.
My hair is too pointy,
it's turned out all wrong. 

Look, here's the place, Mum said,
Hair Cut 'N' Slash.
I'll be back in five minutes,
I really must dash!


So Mum went off shopping,
it's really unfair,
cos when she came back,
I had almost no hair...

Tangles and top knots,
Dare Gel and Flair Spray,
It's not looking good.
It's a horrible hair day!

Now, said the hairdresser,
What would suit YOU?
Oh, I know! Just the thing!
It's a really cool Do!

The terrible teeth
of the hairdresser's comb
pulled my hair - how it hurt -
I said: I'm going home.

Oh, don't be so whiny,
you wild hairy child.
See my scissors! So shiny!
the hairdresser smiled.

Tangles and top knots,
Dare Gel and Flair Spray,
it's not looking good.
It's a hazardous hair day!

My poor hair!

How she snipped it,
she curled it and clipped it,
she twisted and twirled it,
she furled it and whirled it.
She prodded and primped it,
creatively crimped it,
she washed it and scrubbed it,
conditioned and rubbed it.
She rinsed it and dried it,
with hot tongs she fried it,
then spritzed it with spray.

All done!  said the hairdresser.
Now, time to pay!

Well, I used to have hair
flowing down to my toes,
but now that's all gone.
Oh, I do hope it grows.

Mum said - Take your hat off.
I said - Are you mad?
Just look at my hair!
She said - Mmm, that is bad ...

I looked in the mirror
and I just had to say:

tangles and top knots,
Dare Gel and Flair Spray,
it's not looking good.
It's a ...
HAIR
SCARE
BEWARE
day!

Poem © 2013 Lesley Moss 
Image © 2013 Mike Brownlow

13 Comments

The Wompoo Tune by Laura Louise Stewart

5/3/2013

4 Comments

 
Picture












Wompoo pigeons coo
This is what they do
Start up the zoo band
When it perches on my hand

Trumptey tu tu
You can join in too!
Sing the wompoo song
As the zoo folk march along

Ooey Oo Oo Oo
Monkeys shout woo hoo!
See chimps move their feet
To that funky wompoo beat

Zabba dabba zoo
Zebras boogaloo!
Grooving to the tune
Of the hippo’s deep bassoon

Boppitty boo boo
Next come kangaroos!
Watch them bounce and drop
Getting low, the zoo hip-hop

Parp-itty poop poop
Warthogs step and toot!
Who needs jungle drums?
When you’ve got musical bums

Shoopy shoop shoo shoo
Meerkats hula hu!
All the zoo’s alive
With the jazzy wompoo jive

Doo-wop diddy do
..Wait…
Where is that wompoo?
What is that you say?
Oh, he must have flown away

Poem ©2013 Laura Louise Stewart
Illustration ©2013 Mike Brownlow

4 Comments

Fruitivore by Kathryn Evans

3/3/2013

5 Comments

 
Picture
I’m a fruitivore,
I’m mad for a melon,
I’ll savage a satsuma and suck dry a lemon.

I’m a fruitivore,
Bury me in berries,
Drown me in peaches or a bowl of ripe cherries.

I’m a fruitivore,
I’d cross the Savana,
For a handful of grapes and an over ripe banana.

I’m a fruitivore,
I devour clementines,
I gorge upon coconut and gobble mangosteens.

I’m a fruitivore,
I don’t care about the smell,
Give me a durian, I’ll eat that as well.

I’m a fruitivore,
I can’t help how I feel,
I was bitten by a fruit bat,
And these fruit fangs are for REAL.

(They don’t call them blood oranges for nothing you know.)

Poem © 2013 Kathryn Evans
Illustration © 2013 Mike Brownlow

5 Comments

Bad Hair Day by Alex Craggs

1/3/2013

11 Comments

 
Picture
It’s time to get my hair cut,
I’m going with my dad,
For reasons which I’ll now explain,
it could end up all bad.
I style my hair all spiky,
To hide all of my curls,
But Dad says hair with products in, is only meant for girls.
He wants my hair cut shorter,
I want to keep it long.
A style on which we don’t agree is bound to turn out wrong.
I wonder if he’s jealous? 
Of my hair, thick and black,
For hair that once grew on his head, instead grows on his back.
Dad says, “I am not worried,
I’ve still got some up there.
It’s just when I was growing up, I grew right through my hair.”
Which can’t explain the hair that’s on
his bottom, ears, and nose.
There’s even weird and straggly hairs that sprout out from his toes!
Just now, I found this photo,
Of when Dad was my age,
His hair was lank and hippy, he says it was, "The rage."
A photo taken later,  
Shows dad wearing a wig,
Which looks just like a crazy bush. It’s wild, fuzzy and big.
Some people have bad hair days,
Hair trouble, and hair strife.
With Dad though, days are not enough. He’s in a bad hair life.
I told the nice hairdresser,
I want a cool hairdo,
And not one of my dad’s hair-don’ts, he doesn’t have a clue.
She made it look exciting,
Cut like a lion’s mane,
And best of all, in three months time, my dad won’t come again!

Text ©2013 Alex Craggs
Illustration ©2013 Mike Brownlow 

11 Comments

    KIDS!
    We would absolutely
    LOVE IT
    if you added your own funny poems in the comments.
    ​Especially if you are 
    A CHILD
    ​WITH A FUNNYBONE!

    This month
    we're being inspired by
    JAMIE LITTLER!
    Picture
    Fab illustrator of funny fiction!
    Picture
    Picture

    RSS Feed

    Read our
    Privacy Policy

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    Poets and tags

    All
    Alex Craggs
    Amanda Hall
    Amanda Lillywhite
    Bridget Strevens Marzo
    Candy Gourlay
    Chris Riddell
    Dom Conlon
    Em Lynas
    Eric Heyman
    Funny Poems
    George Kirk
    Heather Dickinson
    Heather Kilgour
    Jamie Littler
    Janet Foxley
    Jion Sheibani
    Jo Dearden
    John Shelley
    Jonny Duddle
    Jools Wilson
    Julie Anna Douglas
    Kate Pankhurst
    Katherine Lynas (ill)
    Katherine Lynas (poet)
    Kathryn Evans
    Laura Stewart
    Laurence Anholt
    Laurence Arnholt
    Lesley Moss
    Loretta Schauer
    Marek Jagucki
    Meagan Munroe
    Mike Brownlow
    Mo Ohara
    Nick Butterworth
    Paul Morton
    Rebecca Colby
    Rikin Parekh
    Sally Kindberg
    Sam Zuppardi
    Sarah McIntyre
    Steven Henry
    Tag Animals
    Tag Art
    Tag Bedtime
    Tag Birds
    Tag Cats
    Tag Creatures
    Tag-dancing
    Tag Dogs
    Tag Fairy Tales
    Tag Families
    Tag Food
    Tag-foxes
    Tag-frogs
    Tag-grannies
    Tag Hairdressers
    Tag Hamsters
    Tag Hats
    Tag Kids
    Tag Love
    Tag Machines
    Tag Monkeys
    Tag Monsters
    Tag Music
    Tag-music
    Tag-pirates
    Tag-pirates
    Tag-rabbits
    Tag-robots
    Tag-robots
    Tag-scary-stuff
    Tag-scary-stuff
    Tag School
    Tag-snot
    Tag-snot
    Tag-spooky-stuff
    Tag The Weather
    Tag-the-weather
    Tag-whales
    Tag Witches Wizards
    Tag-wolves
    Tag-wolves
    Ukulele
    Yuval Zommer

    Archives

    August 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    November 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    October 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    September 2013
    July 2013
    May 2013
    March 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012




Welcome 

blog

funny verse

funeverse guests

Sam Zuppardi
Kate Pankhurst
John Shelley
Mike Brownlow
Bridget Strevens-Marzo
Paul Morton

Amanda Lillywhite
Amanda Hall
Sally Kindberg
Loretta Schauer
Heather Dickinson
Rikin Parekh
Katherine Lynas
Candy Gourlay
HeatherKilgour
J​ion Sheibani 
Chris Riddell
​
Jonny Duddle
Sarah McIntyre


Poets on the funeverse

Em Lynas
Lesley Moss
Laura Lou Stewart
Alex Craggs
Mo O'Hara
George Kirk
Rebecca Colby
Meagan Munroe
Katherine Lynas
Kathryn Evans

Dom Conlon
Jo Dearden
PRIVACY POICY
All poems and illustrations are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. unless stated otherwise. 
Proudly powered by Weebly