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Guest Poet - Addy Farmer!

20/1/2013

6 Comments

A big welcome to our first guest poet Addy Farmer.

Addy is a poet, author and storyteller. You can find out more about Addy and her school visits here.

Monster Bedtime Story

Come, my scrumptious scampling,
Let's snuggle down and read
Of slimy slugs
Of bristling bugs
Of monstrous, dark-done deeds...

No?

Well, putrid pups are lovely or nauseating nits
Or globby blobby goblins
Nibbling on your tender bits...

No?

Then, maybe Wart-eyed Walter and his Wicked Weevling Ways
Or Terrible Ted From under the Bed
Who likes to come out to
PLAY!

No?

Well, my precious pustule, tell me now, what shall we see?
No warts?
No fangs?
No BOOS?!
No BANGS?!
Oh no - it cannot be!
You want the silky-hairy story
The pink and fluffy scary story
Please...
Not...
The
Hairy
Scary
Fairy
Story

Waaaaa!

Oh bestest boy
Oh beastly son
Please hold me close
I am the one
Who needs you now to cuddle me tight
Or else I'll get no sleep tonight!

©2013 Addy Farmer

Thank you so much for being on the funEverse, Addy.

6 Comments

STOP IGNORING ME by Rebecca Colby

12/1/2013

4 Comments

My mother’s reading Monster Tree
with Benjamin upon her knee,
and she is just ignoring me.

I sneak up, creep up, quietly,
And hide behind the blue settee,
But she is still ignoring me.

When I am sure that she won’t see,
I drop a worm into her tea.
Perhaps she’ll stop ignoring me.

As Mother shrieks, I start to flee.
I’ve never seen her this angry.
At last, she stopped ignoring me.

“That was naughty, Barnaby!
No food for you and no TV!”
Too bad she’s not ignoring me.

Poem ©2012 Rebecca Colby
Image ©2012 Kate Pankhurst

4 Comments

It's Me! by Meagan Munroe

11/1/2013

2 Comments

My sharp claws and pointy fang
will make your heart beat with a bang.
Lurking in your room at night.
Scaring you is my delight.

Mirror, mirror in my hand
who’s the scariest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
Peek in your closet
you’ll know it’s me!

Three eyes in my monstrous head
help me watch you in your bed.
There’s really nothing you can do
I’m going to put you in my stew!

Mirror, mirror in my hand
who’s the hungriest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
When my tummy roars
you’ll know it’s me!

Shaggy fur the colour of slime,
full of fleas and bogey grime.
I’ve not showered in 10 weeks,
I prefer it when I reek.

Mirror, mirror in my hand
who’s the stinkiest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
Take a deep breath in (phew!)
you’ll know it’s me!

Wait! Why have you run away!
I was hoping we could play.
Now that you’re afraid of me,
I feel lonely as can be.

Mirror, mirror in my hand
who’s the saddest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
See the tears falling
you’ll know it’s me!

Even monsters need hugs too,
so I’ll tell you what to do.
Hold your nose and wear thick gloves,
open your arms, share some love.

Mirror, mirror in my hand
who’s the cuddliest in the land?
It’s me!
It’s me!
Give me a hug
you’ll know it’s me
and you’ll make me happy as can be!

Poem ©2013 Meagan Munroe
Image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst

2 Comments

The Monster in Me by Mo O'Hara

10/1/2013

4 Comments

I know I'm a monster,
but the trouble with me
is I should scare folks socks off.
I should make them flee.
But I just make them smile,
or much worse, they hug me!

'Cause I'm big eyed and fluffy
and no one can see-
There's a monster,
a big scary monster,
in me!

My long claws and big teeth
are always too clean.
My goo baths and my stink sprays
don't make me smell mean.
I'm a failure at monstering-
I'm not even green!

'Cause I'm big eyed and fluffy
and no one can see-
There's a monster,
a big scary monster,
in me.

Wait, you think that my clean teeth
and sharp claws are cool?
And you think that my third eye's
the best one in school?
And it's wicked the way
I can dribble green drool?

But I'm big eyed and fluffy
you surely can't see-
There's a monster,
a big scary monster,
in me?

You wish you were furry?
You think my fur's sleek?
And you want to be friends,
you don't think I'm a freak?
I'm not just any monster,
you think I'm unique?

Wow, I'm big eyed and fluffy
But someone can see-
There's a monster,
a big scary,
fierce, fluffy,
fab, friendly
monster
in me!

Poem ©2013 Mo O'Hara
image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst

4 Comments

Ready, Steady, Monsters Roar by Em Lynas

9/1/2013

3 Comments

One, two, three, four,
Five, six, seven… ROAR!

You try it now.
Don't be a drip.
I'll count you in,
Just let it rip.

3 Comments

Monster Don't Care! By Lesley Moss

8/1/2013

3 Comments

I'm a scary monster and I don't care!
I've got green teeth
and bristly hair.

I'm a scary monster and I don't care!
I've got three eyes
and my ears are square.

I'm a scary monster and I don't care
if my nasty smell
pollutes the air!

I'm a scary monster and I don't care!
Cos I'm really mean
and I don't play fair.

I'm a scary monster and I don't care!
I roar and growl
and I won't share.

I'm a scary monster and I don't care
if you won't be my friend -
yes, you - over there.
Wait - you're ... an even bigger, scarier monster?

Well
now
I
care!

Image ©2012 Kate Pankhurst
Poem © 2012 Lesley Moss

3 Comments

BEDTIME for MONSTERS by Laura Lou Stewart

7/1/2013

5 Comments

The stars are shining in the sky
The moon is looking down
On top of monster mountain
You cannot hear a sound
So put aside your worries
Chase the beasties from your head
Even little monsters
Have to go to bed

Inside the rocky monster dens
Baths are being run
To wash away a busy day
Of mucky monster fun
Time to clean those monster teeth
Brush cobwebs off their heads
Even little monsters
Have to go to bed

Mummy's in her dressing gown
Trying not to doze
Daddy's got his slippers on
To hide his hairy toes
Tails tucked into PJs
Cosy nightcaps on their heads
Even little monsters
Have to go to bed

Outside the wind is howling
Not a single monster roars
They're snug inside the blanket caves
The darkness shut outdoors
Come listen to your bedtime tale
Let stories fill your head
Even little monsters
Have to go to bed

Poem ©2013 Laura Lou Stewart
Image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst

5 Comments

Cuddle Bug by Kathryn Evans

6/1/2013

9 Comments

If you want to look your best,
Try some Monster Mum advice,
Take a daily bath in slime
And dust your fur with tiny lice.

Oh yes, that’s lovely, really nice,
And quite the thing, that touch of lice.

Add just a touch of make up
Crushed beetle to your cheek,
Dustbin dribble on your lashes
And a squirt of Eau De Reek.

Oh yes, that’s lovely, quite unique,
And just the thing, that whiff of Reek.

Now come and sit upon my knee,
Let’s have a monster hug,
You scruffy, stinky, lovely beast,
My gorgeous cuddle bug.

Poem ©2013 Kathryn Evans
Image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst

9 Comments

Scary Monster by Katherine Lynas

5/1/2013

5 Comments

You're not a scary monster.
Your fur is soft and shiny,
And your claws are really tiny.

I am.

You're not a scary monster.
Your eyes are round and pretty,
You remind me of a kitty.

I am.

You're not a scary monster.
Your smile is bright and gleaming,
You will never see me screaming.

I am!

You're not a scary monster.
Your teeth are white...
And pointy...

Gobble.

I am.

Poem ©2013 Katherine Lynas
Image ©2013 Kate Pankhurst

5 Comments

Green by Alex Craggs

5/1/2013

2 Comments

I love to have a bubble bath,
To get all nice and clean.
But then my brother has one next…
And turns it green!

I love to eat a slice of cheese,
A taste I find supreme.
But then my brother cuts a piece…
And turns it green!

I love to watch the butterfly,
Just flutter by a scene.
But then my brother breathes on it…
And turns it green!

I love to wear a pretty dress,
And look just like The Queen.
But then my brother touches it…
And turns it green!

I love to watch my small tree grow,
It dies, I cry, “Life’s mean!”
But then my brother waters it…
And turns it green!

WELL…

I wasn’t expecting that!

Now…

I love my brother even though,
he smells like a sardine.
But when I give him a big hug…
He turns ME green!

PLUS!

I grew this stunning extra eye…
And pretty button nose!

Poem ©2012 Alex Craggs
Image ©2012 Kate Pankhurst

2 Comments

Eyeball Ogre by George Kirk

4/1/2013

5 Comments

My eyeballs are all goggly,
Big and round and boggly,
And now one’s getting wobbly,
All jiggerly and joggerly.

My Mummy says I mustn’t touch
Or wobble it around,
Or else it might pop out too soon
And get lost on the ground.

I have to wait and wait and wait
For it to pop itself,
Then when it’s out and time for bed,
I’ll leave it on my shelf.

My eyeballs are all goggly,
Big and round and boggly,
And now one’s getting wobbly,
All jiggerly and joggerly.

So when I’m safely fast asleep
And dreaming with a snore,
The eyeball ogre will arrive
And sneak in through my door.

The eyeball ogre’s huge and fat,
His socks are very smelly.
A thousand thousand blinking eyes
Cover his great belly.

My eyeballs are all goggly,
Big and round and boggly,
And now one’s getting wobbly,
All jiggerly and joggerly.

His mouth is full of teeth and drool,
His hands are very hairy,
He’s full of scabs and spots and boils
He’s just a little scary.

He quickly finds my little eye,
Then picks it up to chuck it,
Through the air until it lands
Safely in his bucket.

My eyeballs are all goggly,
Big and round and boggly,
And now one’s getting wobbly,
All jiggerly and joggerly.

The eyeball ogre comes at night
To monster girls and boys
He swaps their popped out eyeballs
For brand new monster toys.

So in the morning I’ll wake up
And get a great surprise,
But better than my brand new toy
Is growing brand new eyes.

5 Comments

Guest Poet - Addy Farmer!

Monster Bedtime Story

STOP IGNORING ME by Rebecca Colby

It's Me! by Meagan Munroe

The Monster in Me by Mo O'Hara

Ready, Steady, Monsters Roar by Em Lynas

Monster Don't Care! By Lesley Moss

BEDTIME for MONSTERS by Laura Lou Stewart

Cuddle Bug by Kathryn Evans

Scary Monster by Katherine Lynas

Green by Alex Craggs

Eyeball Ogre by George Kirk

KIDS!
We would absolutely
LOVE IT
if you added your own funny poems in the comments.
Especially if you are
A CHILD
WITH A FUNNYBONE!

Poets and tags

Archives

blog

funeverse guests

Poets on the funeverse

Monster Bedtime Story

KIDS!We would absolutelyLOVE IT if you added your own funny poems in the comments.​Especially if you are A CHILD​WITH A FUNNYBONE!

Poets and tags

Archives

blog

funeverse guests

Poets on the funeverse

KIDS!
We would absolutely
LOVE IT
if you added your own funny poems in the comments.
Especially if you are
A CHILD
WITH A FUNNYBONE!