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A True Princess by Rebecca Colby

24/10/2016

1 Comment

 
​When Princess Daisy laid her head
upon a cushioned, flowery bed,
the bed felt soft, but Daisy frowned,
for down below, she heard a sound.    
And in the morning when she rose,
she wrinkled up her pretty nose.
Picture
Illustration © 2016 Steven Henry

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Alien Evolution by Rebecca Colby

21/6/2016

1 Comment

 
Peer into my telescope.
Look closely at those shapes.
Can you believe it? I’ve just found…
the Planet of the Apes!
A funny poem for Jonny Duddle Illustration © 2016 Jonny Duddle
Illustration © 2016 Jonny Duddle

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What Bears Know by Rebecca Colby

28/4/2016

4 Comments

 
Yogi Bear:
It’s no big deal, to get a meal,
just find a picnic lunch to steal.
 
The Three Bears:
Make use of locks, when out on walks.
protect your house from Goldilocks...
Illustration © 2016 Chris Riddell on the funeverse
Illustration © 2016 Chris Riddell

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UNDERWATER BLISS by Rebecca Colby

19/2/2016

0 Comments

 
A shark was out hunting and spied a wee fish,  
‘I’ll have her for dinner. She’ll make a nice dish.’
But as he gave chase, he felt an emotion--
stronger than hunger--it was love and devotion.
Picture

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THE LOBSTER AND THE OCTOPUS by Rebecca Colby

14/12/2015

4 Comments

 
The Lobster and the Octopus 
sat underneath the sea,
enjoying bowls of tasty treats
and pots of fresh brewed tea.
Picture

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BATTLE OF THE TOILET TRAINERS by Rebecca Colby

18/9/2015

3 Comments

 
I’ve had enough. Watch out! I’m mad!
The dog is making me look bad.
They think because his paper’s dry,
he’s toilet trained. “He’s not!” I cry.
Picture

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3 Comments

NO ESCAPE! by Rebecca Colby

1/7/2015

8 Comments

 
Darling Igor, where’ve you been?
Off to climb a tree again? 
Don’t you know you can’t escape?
Not from me at any rate. ​
A funny gothic  poem from Rebecca Colby and katherine Lynas

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WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK MY NOSE? by Rebecca Colby

13/5/2015

7 Comments

 
Why do I always pick my nose,
then wipe the snot upon my clothes?

Or roll it into sticky balls
and flick it at the floor or walls?

Or other times when thin and runny,
smear it ‘cross my face like honey?

Or chip it off in crusty flakes
and eat it ‘til my belly aches?

Am I disgusting? Am I lazy?
Maybe I’m just bogey crazy.

No!

The reason for my bogey-thon
is that my tissues are all gone.  

Poem © 2015 Rebecca Colby
Illustration © 2015 Rikin Parekh

Why are bogey poems funny?
The Boy with the Bogey on his Jumper by Rikin Parekh
7 Comments

A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME by Rebecca Colby

9/3/2015

7 Comments

 
Gardenia Hollyhocks Rose
hates flowers and wouldn’t have chose
her ridiculous name;
her Mum is to blame
for things that get right up her nose. 


Gardenia Hollyhocks Rose
hates flowers and oh, how it shows. 
They cause her to wheeze,
and sneeze in the breeze
‘til snot overflows as she blows. 

Gardenia Hollyhocks Rose
hates flowers—they dirty her clothes. 
To bring Mum to shame, 
she’s changing her name 
to Booger-Slime Green Pantyhose. 


© Rebecca Colby 2015

7 Comments

TEACHER'S FAVOURITE by Rebecca Colby

4/12/2014

3 Comments

 
Picture
I am the teacher’s favourite;
I know she loves me best.
And every day to prove it,
I put her to the test, 

by racing ‘round the classroom,
by dashing down the stairs,
by tipping over paint pots,
by jumping on her chairs,

by hardly ever listening,
by playing with my ball,
by chewing up her homework,
by howling in the hall.

I never get in trouble,
despite how bad I get.
In case you haven’t guessed yet,
I am the teacher’s pet! 

Poem © 2014 Rebecca Colby
Image  © 2014 Heather Dickinson

3 Comments

Juggling Tips by Rebecca Colby

13/10/2014

3 Comments

 
Picture
JUGGLING TIPS

Don’t try to juggle bouncy balls,
for balls are small, they slide and fall.
They spring across the floors and walls.
It’s much too hard to juggle balls.

And best beware of juggling plates,
for plates aren’t great—they oscillate.
They spin. They drop. They always break!
You’ll soon crack up when juggling plates.

And never try to juggle bags,
for beanie bags are soft; they sag.
They slip. They drag. They’re hard to snag.
You’ll tire and flag while juggling bags.

If you must juggle, take my tip:
the object that is best to grip,
oozes slime too thick to slip.
Just grab some FROGS and watch them flip!  

Poem © 2014 Rebecca Colby
Illustration © Heather Dickinson

3 Comments

I AM LION! by Rebecca Colby

18/7/2014

9 Comments

 
funny poem rabbits
I AM LION!
(a parody of Helen Reddy’s song “I Am Woman”)

I am lion, hear me roar,
Don’t call me 'bunnykins' any more
For I’m not your cute and furry little friend.
If you look here underneath, 
Then you’ll see my vicious teeth. 
This cuddly-wuddly talk has finally got to end! 

Yes, I look soft,
But I’m harder than you know.
Yes, I am small,
But it’s only ‘til I grow.
If I want to
I can be anything.
I am fierce.
I am unhuggable.
I am lion! 

Call me ‘good’ and I get badder, 
Call me ‘sweet’ and I get madder,
Call me ‘rabbit’ and then watch me lose control.
Though your words they sometimes shame me,
They’re just names--they’ll never tame me.
I’m a lion deep inside my fluffy soul!

Yes, I look soft,
But I’m harder than you know.
Yes, I am small,
But it’s only ‘til I grow.
If I want to
I can be anything.
I am fierce.
I am unhuggable.
I am lion! 
I am lion!
I am lion! 

RAR!!!

Poem © 2014 Rebecca Colby
Illustration © Sam Zuppardi
9 Comments

MONSTER STEW by Rebecca Colby

28/5/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture








MONSTER STEW

Mother Monster made a stew
with all your favourite things,
some earwax balls and eyeball goo,
and slimy, bogey strings.

She stirred in mould and toenail rot,
then served with maggot rolls. 
You licked your lips and scoffed the lot, 
but why’d you eat her bowls?!

Poem © 2014 Rebecca Colby
Illustration © Loretta Schauer


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YOU GET WHAT YOU ASK FOR by Rebecca Colby

24/3/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture












“Leave the prince speechless,” I heard you declare.
“Please make him notice my eyes and gold hair.
Give him a reason to gaze on my face. 
Make me stand out from the rest in this place.”

Granting your wishes was no easy task.
And now you complain? How dare you, I ask!
Go on and moan that you look like monster.
But Cinderella, my dear, you get what you ask for!

Poem © 2014 Rebecca Colby
Illustration © 2013 Sally Kindberg


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MONKEY MUSIC by Rebecca Colby

5/1/2014

0 Comments

 
I know a chimpanzee who plays the violin,
the tuba, the accordion, the flute and mandolin.
He plays the clarinet and he plays the saxophone,
the drums and the cello and the slide trombone. 
But he won’t be happy ‘til he masters the bassoon, 
So he’s taking lessons soon from his cousin—a baboon.
Picture
Image © 2014 Amanda Hall
Poem © 2014 Rebecca Colby


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OCTO PIE by Rebecca Colby

12/11/2013

0 Comments

 
Picture
Have you tried our Octo Pie?
I'm warning you. It's rather sly.

Its eight, long tentacles lie in wait.
As you dig in, it moves your plate.  

It tickles you, then wraps you tight.
You're lucky if you get a bite. 

It suckers you--makes you a fool. 
You won't believe the ridicule!

With Octo Pie, you must act quick, 
Or you won’t even get a lick.

No, Octo Pie's not easy to eat.
May I suggest a Tarantula Treat? 

Poem ©2013 Rebecca Colby
Illustrations ©2013 Paul Morton

Picture
0 Comments

Plan B for Cinderella by Rebecca Colby

31/7/2013

3 Comments

 
Picture
PLAN B FOR CINDERELLA

“Stop fretting! You’ll get to the ball.
Take my purse to the shopping mall.
Buy some shoes and a dress, 
rent a car—just don’t stress. 
Once the wand's fixed, I’ll give you a call!”






Poem ©2013 Rebecca Colby
Illustration ©2013 Bridget Strevens-Marzo



3 Comments

NEARING NINETY by Rebecca Colby

22/5/2013

8 Comments

 
Picture

My Granny's nearing ninety, 
I don’t know what to do.
She’s started wearing leather
And has got her first tattoo.

My Granny’s nearing ninety.
It’s time we had a talk. 
But Granny isn’t listening,  
She’s deaf from heavy rock.

My Granny’s nearing ninety,
She really should take care.
I shout, “Slow down!” as she roars past
On her Biker Chick wheelchair. 

Poem ©2013  Rebecca Colby
Illustration ©2013 John Shelley

8 Comments

When Redbeard Fell Over The Railing by Rebecca Colby

15/3/2013

2 Comments

 
Picture
Sung to the tune of 
(When Santa Got Stuck Up the Chimney'.)

When Redbeard fell over the railing,  
he thundered and he roared,
“You plundering fools,
won’t get any jewels, 
until I’m back on board.”

“Throw a rope down.
I’m starting to drown.
I’ll sink to the seabed below.”
When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho!

When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
He bellowed and he cried,
“You motley crew
know what to do.
Quick, haul me up the side!”

“I’m freezing cold.
I’ve dropped me gold.
A shark has bitten me toe.”
When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho!

When Redbeard fell over the railing,
He spluttered and he coughed,
“Forget your reward, 
You heartless horde,
You still ain’t pulled me aloft!”

“The jellyfish cling,
They burn and they sting,
Me death will be painful and slow.”
When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho!

When Redbeard fell over the railing,
He whispered and he sighed,
“Please hurry! Come on!
Or I’ll soon be gone. 
I’m drifting away on the tide.”

“I don’t like to beg,  
But an eel’s zapped me leg,
Grab me now or it’s under I go!”
When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho!

When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
He whimpered and he wailed.
Then—BLUB--disappeared,
All except for his beard,
While his crew moaned, 
“He’s done for! We’ve failed!"

“Wait! Lasso his chin!”
Though hair tore from his skin, 
He was saved from the undertow!
When Redbeard fell over the railing, 
Heave ho! Heave ho! Heave ho!

Poem ©2013  Rebecca Colby
Illustration ©2013 Mike Brownlow
2 Comments

STOP IGNORING ME by Rebecca Colby

12/1/2013

4 Comments

 
Picture






My mother’s reading Monster Tree
with Benjamin upon her knee,
and she is just ignoring me.

I sneak up, creep up, quietly,
And hide behind the blue settee,
But she is still ignoring me. 

When I am sure that she won’t see,
I drop a worm into her tea.
Perhaps she’ll stop ignoring me. 

As Mother shrieks, I start to flee.
I’ve never seen her this angry.
At last, she stopped ignoring me. 

“That was naughty, Barnaby!
No food for you and no TV!”
Too bad she’s not ignoring me.

Poem ©2012 Rebecca Colby 
Image ©2012 Kate Pankhurst


4 Comments

Princess Stew by Rebecca Colby

1/11/2012

0 Comments

 
“Sweet Isabel, it’s time to eat.
Come sit upon your royal seat.
The chef has made a tasty treat.”

The princess rushed to take her place,
Then saw the food and pulled a face.
“That’s gross!” she said, to her disgrace.
Picture
“But Isabel, it’s Princess Stew.
Try it, please. It’s good for you--
Nutritious and delicious, too!”

“It’s pig pen slop. It looks a fright!
You won’t get me to eat a bite.
Remove this rubbish from my sight!”

"Now Isabel, we must insist,
You eat your meal and don’t resist.
When it’s gone, you’ll be dismissed.”

She wouldn’t do as she was told.
She sat and watched her stew grow cold. 
She sat for days as it grew mould. 

Her parents weren’t completely mean,
Each day they scraped off all the green.
“Now tell us when your plate is clean.”

Not wanting to admit defeat, 
She gave it to her dog to eat.
He gulped it like it was a treat!

“Look at you! It must be true!
Stop right now! I want some too!
It tastes like fudge. Whoever knew?”

The princess ate and ate and ate,
And said, “This stew is really great!
May I have another plate?”

Her parents beamed, “See, Isabel.
You never know, you just can’t tell,
If food tastes good by look or smell.”

“You’re right,” she said. “Here’s what I’ll do:
I won’t say ‘gross’ or ‘blah’ or ‘poo,’ 
Or make a face at Princess Stew, 
…until my dog has tried it too!”

Image ©2012 Sam Zuppardi 
Poem ©2012 Rebecca Colby
0 Comments

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