Funny Poem ©2018 George Kirk
Illustration ©2018 Laurence Anholt
Anholt's Artists, Frances Lincoln Ltd
My son's flowers are sun flowers...
Funny Poem ©2017 George Kirk |
Funny Poem © 2017 George Kirk
Illustration © 2017 Eric Heyman
If only sweeps had ever thought to make life easier they ought...
| Lord Montague Herbert DeLacy Fitzroy Had lived in his mansion since he was a boy. It had twenty six bedrooms, a ballroom as well, A block full of stables, a clock tower bell. It had four poster beds, and its own indoor plumbing, Its pillars and columns were really quite stunning. But one thing it had that wasn’t so nice, A large infestation of manor house mice. |  |
| My cousin Hayley has a ukulele She received as a birthday gift. She’d wanted a puppy she was going to call Lucky, So at first she was really quite miffed. |  Illustration © 2016 Steven Henry |
| I’m a duck walk super model waddle waddle waddle, I can strut I can wiggle I can toddle waddle waddle, |  Illustration © 2016 Sarah McIntyre |
| Eddie Lark was a London Lad Who grew up with his Mum and Dad. But the Larks were poor and kids ‘aint cheap So they sold young Ed to the chimney sweep. The sweep was rough, the work was tough, Poor Ed had to do all the dirty stuff. |  Illustration © 2016 Jonny Duddle |
| The Tooth fairy’s a lovely sprite Who comes to take your teeth, so white. Each time you leave one, freshly shed, She’ll leave a coin beside your bed. So keep them clean, And let them gleam, She only takes the most pristine! But... |  Illustration © 2016 Chris Riddell |
| “Don’t worry,” said Iguanodon, “No need to look so woebegone. I’m sure that thing that’s in the sky Will soon have gone and passed us by.” |  Illustration © 2016 Chris Riddell |
| If I were lost in the deep dark wood, To be raised by wolves would be no good. With fur that sheds and their biting fleas, My skin would itch and my nose would sneeze. |  |
| Lion on the roof top, Lion on the tiles, Lion on the windowsill, Looking in, he smiles. Lion in the garden, Lion on the path, Lion at the front door, I’m sure I heard him laugh. |  |
| This tale of baby rivalry Began when Mrs. Simms Gave birth to healthy baby boys, First Ben, then Len, the twins. |  |
| What did you do, Mrs Frankenstein? Master’s lab is bursting into flame! I’m in the frame! No thanks to you, Mrs Frankenstein My future here is going up in smoke, It’s no joke! Up in smoke! |  |
| I caught a genie, flying free, He gave me wishes 1, 2, 3 But told me that they would not last So I had better make them fast. |  |
Roger McAllit and Una McFlip
Were neighbours and friends to begin,
But everything changed in the whatsit one day
When Roger saw Una’s sweet grin.
Were neighbours and friends to begin,
But everything changed in the whatsit one day
When Roger saw Una’s sweet grin.
| I’m in the deepest trouble, I’m guilty of a sin, My teacher is so angry That I was colouring in. |  |
| Uncle Rollo, always grim, Underneath his stovepipe brim. Granny Peg keeps getting wider, Ten hot meals a day inside her. |  |
| For this month's challenge I took one of these ladies from Loretta's illustration to see what she would say to me. I was taken by surprise when she asked me a very big and a very bad question. |  |
| My uncle’s an inventor In fact he’s rather good, Because he made the very first Exercising pud. |  |
| Be a painter my father advised, Paint things that are food for the eyes. Make them not just artistic But hyper realistic And take the whole world by surprise. |  |
| To try and glimpse this prima ballerina, Watch when night birds sing their haunting tune. A pirouetting graceful ballet dreamer, Dancing in the spotlight of the moon. |  |
| At Sunny Hillside petting farm The animals like to play, A tournament of hide and seek To wile away the day. |  |
Run away down the hill!
Run away down the hill!
The wolf is coming for the kill,
He wants to munch us for his lunch.
Run away, run away down the hill!
Run away in the wood!
Run away in the wood!
The wolf would eat us if he could,
As his main course with apple sauce.
Run away, run away in the wood!
Run away through the ditch!
Run away through the ditch!
Oh no I’ve gone and got a stitch.
I’m out of huff, you’re out of puff.
Run away, run away through the ditch!
Run away round the bend!
Run away round the bend!
Looking for our journeys end
Must get there quick, the house of brick.
Run away run away round the bend.
Run away to the door!
Run away to the door!
Now we’re here, we’re safe for sure.
Oh no! We're shocked, the door is locked.
Run away run away to the door.
Run away round the back!
Run away round the back!
Hiding from the wolf attack,
And here’s a note our brother wrote
Run away run away round the back.
Oh no where to run!
Oh no where to run!
Gone away for a week in the sun,
He gets a tan the wolf gets ham.
No where, oh no where to run!
Run away down the hill!
The wolf is coming for the kill,
He wants to munch us for his lunch.
Run away, run away down the hill!
Run away in the wood!
Run away in the wood!
The wolf would eat us if he could,
As his main course with apple sauce.
Run away, run away in the wood!
Run away through the ditch!
Run away through the ditch!
Oh no I’ve gone and got a stitch.
I’m out of huff, you’re out of puff.
Run away, run away through the ditch!
Run away round the bend!
Run away round the bend!
Looking for our journeys end
Must get there quick, the house of brick.
Run away run away round the bend.
Run away to the door!
Run away to the door!
Now we’re here, we’re safe for sure.
Oh no! We're shocked, the door is locked.
Run away run away to the door.
Run away round the back!
Run away round the back!
Hiding from the wolf attack,
And here’s a note our brother wrote
Run away run away round the back.
Oh no where to run!
Oh no where to run!
Gone away for a week in the sun,
He gets a tan the wolf gets ham.
No where, oh no where to run!
| The day the famous professor Von Trapp’s son Invented his very first flying contraption, His brainy old dad cried out with delight, “My darling small boy is the master of flight.” And down in the town there began a real ruction, When Von Trapp and son went into production. |  |
 | From near, far and further came flocking the gentry, With bulging great pockets and money a plenty, To purchase a genuine flying Von Trapp Lovingly made by the clever young chap. |
| Some flew with feathers, some flew with wings, Some flew with close fitting cog wheels and springs. Some had great funnels, some filled with hot air, While others had sails and a nautical flair. He made them with pedals and spinning propellers, He made them with foghorns and stripy umbrellas. |  |
 | The Lords and the Ladies flew up with great style, But little Von Trapp remained grounded mean while. A fact that was noticed by one Lord De Ploop As he finished his fifty fifth loop of the loop. De Ploop sent a message by semaphore coding, And told all the others about his foreboding. |
| The fine folk all landed, they felt rather worried That maybe production had been rather hurried. And their top of the range shiny Von Trapp machines Were actually junk going weak at the seams. |  |
 | They said “Herr Von Trapp it has reached our attention Your son may have built us a faulty invention. Unless he can give us a good reason why We expect him to board one and go for a fly.” Von Trapp wasn’t worried, he said to his son, “Make haste, buckle in, show them all how it’s done.” |
| Youngest Von Trapp turned an unhealthy green, As he boarded the handiest flying machine. His lip it did wobble, he cried out in fright, “I can’t fly up there; I am scared of the height.” As soon as Von Trapp saw the youngster's tears flow, He told all the grand folk just where they could go. |  |
The snobs and the snoots were greatly offended,
So trade with Von Trapp was instantly ended.
Von Trapp didn’t care, in fact he just smiled,
As he reached up his arms to rescue his child,
And said to the boy, while holding his hand,
“Don’t worry dear son, I quite understand.”
So after a very long father-son talk,
They gave up on flight and decided to…
So trade with Von Trapp was instantly ended.
Von Trapp didn’t care, in fact he just smiled,
As he reached up his arms to rescue his child,
And said to the boy, while holding his hand,
“Don’t worry dear son, I quite understand.”
So after a very long father-son talk,
They gave up on flight and decided to…
...WALK!
KIDS!
We would absolutely
LOVE IT
if you added your own funny poems in the comments.
Especially if you are
A CHILD
WITH A FUNNYBONE!
Fab illustrator of funny fiction!
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