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My Son's Flowers

2/4/2018

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Funny Poem ©2018 George Kirk
Illustration ©2018 Laurence Anholt
Anholt's Artists, Frances Lincoln Ltd​

Picture
My son's flowers are sun flowers...

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Billy's Bike by George Kirk

13/7/2017

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Funny Poem ©2017 George Kirk ​​
Illustration © 2017 Marek Jagucki

Picture
​​Billy built a bike from scratch, he found two wheels that didn’t match...

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Chimney Squeaks!

13/4/2017

3 Comments

 

Funny Poem © 2017 George Kirk ​​
Illustration © 2017 Eric Heyman

Picture
If only sweeps had ever thought to make life easier they ought...

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Lord Montague's Mice by George Kirk

20/2/2017

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Lord Montague Herbert DeLacy Fitzroy
Had lived in his mansion since he was a boy.
It had twenty six bedrooms, a ballroom as well,
A block full of stables, a clock tower bell.
It had four poster beds, and its own indoor plumbing,
Its pillars and columns were really quite stunning.
But one thing it had that wasn’t so nice,
A large infestation of manor house mice.
Picture

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Hayley's Ukulele by George Kirk

14/11/2016

1 Comment

 
My cousin Hayley has a ukulele
She received as a birthday gift.
She’d wanted a puppy she was going to call Lucky,
So at first she was really quite miffed.
Picture
Illustration © 2016 Steven Henry

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Duck Walk Model by George Kirk

1/9/2016

3 Comments

 
I’m a duck walk super model waddle
                                                 waddle
                                                          waddle,
I can strut I can wiggle I can toddle
                                                 waddle
                                                         waddle,
Picture
Illustration © 2016 Sarah McIntyre

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Eddie Lark by George Kirk

28/6/2016

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​​
​Eddie Lark was a London Lad

Who grew up with his Mum and Dad.
But the Larks were poor and kids ‘aint cheap
So they sold young Ed to the chimney sweep.
The sweep was rough, the work was tough,
Poor Ed had to do all the dirty stuff.
Illustration © 2016 Jonny Duddle - funny poems on the funeverse
Illustration © 2016 Jonny Duddle

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The Bad Tooth Fairy by George Kirk

10/6/2016

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The Tooth fairy’s a lovely sprite
Who comes to take your teeth, so white.
Each time you leave one, freshly shed,
She’ll leave a coin beside your bed.
So keep them clean,
And let them gleam,
She only takes the most pristine!
 
But...
 ​
Illustration © 2016 Chris Riddell on the funeverse
Illustration © 2016 Chris Riddell

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Iscominforus by George Kirk

6/5/2016

4 Comments

 

​“Don’t worry,” said Iguanodon,

“No need to look so woebegone.
I’m sure that thing that’s in the sky
Will soon have gone and passed us by.”
Illustration © 2016 Chris Riddell funny poems on the funeverse
Illustration © 2016 Chris Riddell

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If I Were Lost... By George Kirk

26/2/2016

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​
If I were lost in the deep dark wood,

To be raised by wolves would be no good.
With fur that sheds and their biting fleas,
My skin would itch and my nose would sneeze.
Picture

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Lion on the Rooftop by George Kirk

15/1/2016

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Lion on the roof top,
Lion on the tiles,
Lion on the windowsill,
Looking in, he smiles.
 
Lion in the garden,
Lion on the path,
Lion at the front door,
I’m sure I heard him laugh.
Picture

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Sibling Rivalry by George Kirk

16/10/2015

3 Comments

 
This tale of baby rivalry
Began when Mrs. Simms
Gave birth to healthy baby boys,
First Ben, then Len, the twins.
Candy Gourlay on the funeverse

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3 Comments

Mrs. Frankenstein by George Kirk

25/7/2015

2 Comments

 

​What did you do, Mrs Frankenstein?

Master’s lab is bursting into flame!
I’m in the frame!
No thanks to you, Mrs Frankenstein
My future here is going up in smoke,
It’s no joke!
Up in smoke!
Frankenstein poem, George Kirk

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Be Careful What You Wish For by George Kirk

7/5/2015

4 Comments

 
I caught a genie, flying free,
He gave me wishes 1, 2, 3
But told me that they would not last
So I had better make them fast.
A dog in a log, funny poem from the funeverse

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Roger McAllit's Romance by George Kirk

30/3/2015

2 Comments

 
Roger McAllit and Una McFlip
Were neighbours and friends to begin,
But everything changed in the whatsit one day
When Roger saw Una’s sweet grin.

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Colouring In by George Kirk

5/1/2015

5 Comments

 
I’m in the deepest trouble,
I’m guilty of a sin,
My teacher is so angry 
That I was colouring in.

​
Picture

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The Longer Conga by George Kirk

31/10/2014

1 Comment

 
Picture




Now Daisy danced a conga

But it all went quite wronga.
It’s not much fun
With only one.


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My Family by George Kirk

24/8/2014

2 Comments

 
Uncle Rollo, always grim,
Underneath his stovepipe brim.

Granny Peg keeps getting wider,
Ten hot meals a day inside her.
funny poem family

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Fur-givable?  by George Kirk

1/5/2014

1 Comment

 
For this month's challenge I took one of these ladies from Loretta's illustration to see what she would say to me. I was taken by surprise when she asked me a very big and a very bad question.
Picture

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Good Pud by George Kirk

4/3/2014

2 Comments

 
My uncle’s an inventor
In fact he’s rather good,
Because he made the very first
Exercising pud.
Picture

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Be an Artist by George Kirk

9/1/2014

1 Comment

 
Be a painter my father advised,
Paint things that are food for the eyes.
Make them not just artistic
But hyper realistic
And take the whole world by surprise.
Picture

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Greener Ballerina by George Kirk

18/11/2013

4 Comments

 
To try and glimpse this prima ballerina, 
Watch when night birds sing their haunting tune.
A pirouetting graceful ballet dreamer,
Dancing in the spotlight of the moon.
Picture

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Hide and Cheep by George Kirk

24/9/2013

3 Comments

 
At Sunny Hillside petting farm
The animals like to play,
A tournament of hide and seek
To wile away the day.
Picture

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Run Away by George Kirk

25/7/2013

3 Comments

 
Run away down the hill!
Run away down the hill!
The wolf is coming for the kill,
He wants to munch us for his lunch.
Run away, run away down the hill!

Run away in the wood!
Run away in the wood!
The wolf would eat us if he could,
As his main course with apple sauce.
Run away, run away in the wood!

Run away through the ditch!
Run away through the ditch!
Oh no I’ve gone and got a stitch.
I’m out of huff, you’re out of puff.
Run away, run away through the ditch!

Run away round the bend!
Run away round the bend!
Looking for our journeys end
Must get there quick, the house of brick.
Run away run away round the bend.

Run away to the door!
Run away to the door!
Now we’re here, we’re safe for sure.
Oh no! We're shocked, the door is locked.
Run away run away to the door.

Run away round the back!
Run away round the back!
Hiding from the wolf attack,
And here’s a note our brother wrote
Run away run away round the back.

Oh no where to run!
Oh no where to run!
Gone away for a week in the sun,
He gets a tan the wolf gets ham.
No where, oh no where to run!

Picture
Poem ©2013 George Kirk
Illustrations ©2013 Bridget Strevens-Marzo
3 Comments

Von Trapp's Son by George Kirk

28/5/2013

1 Comment

 
The day the famous professor Von Trapp’s son
Invented his very first flying contraption,

His brainy old dad cried out with delight,
“My darling small boy is the master of flight.”

And down in the town there began a real ruction,
When Von Trapp and son went into production.


Picture
Picture
From near, far and further came flocking the gentry,
With bulging great pockets and money a plenty,

To purchase a genuine flying Von Trapp
Lovingly made by the clever young chap.


Some flew with feathers, some flew with wings,
Some flew with close fitting cog wheels and springs.

Some had great funnels, some filled with hot air,
While others had sails and a nautical flair.

He made them with pedals and spinning propellers,
He made them with foghorns and stripy umbrellas.


Picture
Picture
The Lords and the Ladies flew up with great style,
But little Von Trapp remained grounded mean while.

A fact that was noticed by one Lord De Ploop
As he finished his fifty fifth loop of the loop.

De Ploop sent a message by semaphore coding,
And told all the others about his foreboding.




The fine folk all landed, they felt rather worried
That maybe production had been rather hurried.

And their top of the range shiny Von Trapp machines
Were actually junk going weak at the seams.

Picture
Picture
They said “Herr Von Trapp it has reached our attention
Your son may have built us a faulty invention.

Unless he can give us a good reason why
We expect him to board one and go for a fly.”

Von Trapp wasn’t worried, he said to his son,
“Make haste, buckle in, show them all how it’s done.”


Youngest Von Trapp turned an unhealthy green,
As he boarded the handiest flying machine.

His lip it did wobble, he cried out in fright,
“I can’t fly up there; I am scared of the height.”

As soon as Von Trapp saw the youngster's tears flow,
He told all the grand folk just where they could go.


Picture
The snobs and the snoots were greatly offended,
So trade with Von Trapp was instantly ended.

Von Trapp didn’t care, in fact he just smiled,
As he reached up his arms to rescue his child,

And said to the boy, while holding his hand,
“Don’t worry dear son, I quite understand.”

So after a very long father-son talk,
They gave up on flight and decided to…

Picture
...WALK!
Poem ©2013 George Kirk
Illustrations ©2013 John Shelly
1 Comment
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